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Jul. 27th, 2014

How time flies....

So much has happened in the past 3 years. I don't even know where to begin. Brandon and I are still together. I still see Kristi, Katie, and Alicia on a semi-regular basis. Kerri and Kassie are in Ohio still and I see them every so often. I began work at Wells Fargo and quit. Now I'm working at Sammons Financial Group in the annuities industry. Brandon and I are trying to start a family. Alicia got married and is stepmom to a little girl. Katie got married and now has a little baby boy. Kristi's little girl, Gigi, has grown up so fast. So many fun times, sad times, fights, forgiving, serious conversations, bitterness, betrayal, compassion, love. All the while I keep growing older.

It seems the older I get the faster time goes by.


So much life lived.....how does one have the capacity to write it all down?

Aug. 14th, 2009

(no subject)

Here's how life has fucked me over in the past few months:

*My father died (this is the big one) right after independence day (actually in the wee hours of that morning).

*I found out that I was pregnant and then I found out that I was having a miscarriage (this was also pretty huge considering I was really excited about being pregnant). Now all I see are pregnant women and their babies.

*I still have no job even though I've sent out at least 20 applications to various companies and offices around the Des Moines area. I'm sure I'll find something, but I have absolutely NO money.

Here's how life has been awesome in the past few months:

*I had a super rad party with my co-workers and other friends a couple of weeks ago. It was a definite high point.

*My family reunion in next week so I'm really looking forward to that.

*I finally graduated and am now situated comfortably in Des Moines paying very little rent at a friend's house.

*I get to see my friends almost as often as I did before I left for school 5 years ago.


All in all I think that even though I had two really horrible blows, things might be called even in the good and bad of my life. This week has been particularly hard due to my miscarriage, but I'm feeling better about things every day. I'm trying to stay positive. I guess that's all I can do.

Jul. 5th, 2009

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

It's not fair and it's so STUPID and completely WRONG and I HATE it!

He was a good man. He didn't deserve to die and certainly not in the way that he did.

I'm so tired and so sad and so everything and my stupid fucking body just wont respond to any of it.

Tomorrow we're cremating his body. Tomorrow is the last day I'll ever see my father whole again.

Yesterday was the last day I ever spoke to my father. And you know the last thing we ever said to each other was?

Me: "I love you, Dad."
Dad: "I love you, too."

Everything is so wrong and hurtful and no one deserves it.

May. 6th, 2009

(no subject)

Only 2 more days of class and then I'm DONE. It's funny how I couldn't wait to leave school, but now that I'm actually graduating all I want is to be able to register for another semester.

I hate growing up.

I'm finally able to apply to go to Korea. I have everything I need and am set to send in my information. Yet, I haven't done it yet. What the hell is wrong with me? Korea is a HUGE opportunity. I would be INSANE not to go. So why am I staring blankly at my application?

One last exam, one last project, one last critique. 2 days...

Someone slap me awake.

Feb. 11th, 2009

Sad

My dad's back on chemo.

Nov. 16th, 2008

mmmm

tired...tired...tired...

Oct. 18th, 2008

Exhaustion

I am NEVER going to take 3 studio classes EVER again. I am seriously on my last leg of energy. My entire life revolves around the old menard's building, which, in case anyone wanted to know is a real bitch to get out to. You can either wait for a bus that only comes once every half hour or you can waste the gas to drive out yourself (which isn't so bad anymore now that gas is plummeting). But really, I'm constantly fatigued and recently I've been having sudden feelings of faintness. I get light headed and I can feel myself sway to one side like I'm about to fall. I'm not sure if this is a serious problem yet or not. I absolutely do NOT want to have to go to a doctor or student health and pay a butt load of money to have some distanced nurse tell me I need to sleep. *sigh*

I get married on July 26th of 2009, and planning SUCKS! I don't have anything done and Brandon isn't really helping and my mother is driving me completely nuts because she really wants me to have it in my church and I want an outside wedding, and she's just being a total bitch because I'm not doing what she wants me to do.

And every now and then I get panic attacks about my dad even though he's doing so much better. I think his cancer has shrunk over 50% and the doctors took him off chemo so he should be ok. It still scares the shit out of me to think about losing him, but he's been getting out more in the garden and doing stuff with drayvin so things are looking good. Let's just hope that things stay the way they are.

Sep. 1st, 2008

Notice for Upcoming: The Big AR

So I'm in Des Moines on my friend's computer. We've just returned from camping at Apple River in Wisconsin. It was an interesting trip including: a 4 hour float down a sometimes 1/2 foot deep river, over 100 beers drunk by 6 people in 3 days, drunk girl A almost getting raped by drunk guy A and Mandi getting up in guy A's face, a brawl between drunken camp neighbors, plans to steal a really cool pirate flag, waterslide races, mini golf and sunburns, Little Nick's attempts to sleep with daughter with boyfriend and then daughter's mother, hugs by complete underage strangers, and maybe some other stuff that I'm forgetting.

HOWEVER, I still need to pack up my cats and drive another 2 hours back to Iowa City, so I think I'll wait until later to fill in details. This is just a heads up.

Aug. 17th, 2008

Can't Wait

At the end of this week I will be taking a trip to Missouri for my annual family reunion. This time will be different because this time...(dramatic pause)...I will have a "plus one" that's not only a first time "mate" that will be introduced to the extended family, but one who will be a permanent addition to the Ashcraft legacy. You bet your ass I'm excited.

After the family reunion I will endure a full business week of grueling work at the Hospital before taking off another weekend to go camping at Apple River. There I will enjoy tasty beverages from a cooler tied to an inner tube, whilst my DSM buddies and I float downstream in warm sunshine and happiness.

These two weekends will consist the whole of my vacation for this summer.

Really, I haven't stepped outside to do anything except go to work.

Sometimes being an adult makes me sad....but sometimes it makes me really effing HAPPY.

Jun. 23rd, 2008

Awww...home

It's good to be back in good ole Des Moines (even if it's only for a couple of days).

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